Dad Bros

My kids are growing up reading comic books, watching Marvel movies and are all around superhero fans. I’m need to use this to my advantage.

I’m going to keep a superhero costume in my closet. I won’t run around wearing it or anything, I’ll just keep it there so one day, while they’re bored and snooping around for hidden Christmas presents, they will see it and I can be secretive and yell “get out of there and don’t tell anybody what you saw”. Then, when I leave to record the Dad Bros Show, I’ll take the costume with me so when they snoop around to see it again, the costume will be gone and they’ll wonder what I’m doing.

I’ll probably also have to leave crime fighting gadgets laying around by accident and maybe some wanted posters, maps with pins and notebooks full of evidence will also have to be scattered about.

For a time, they will think that dad very well could be a crime fighter. Eventually, they’ll learn that I just go to the studio, have a few drinks and talk into a microphone. That’s still pretty cool.

If you are a new parent or about to become a first time parent, people will tell you to “enjoy it now, because you’ll miss these times”. They usually say this when your child is somehow frustrating you with their behavior. You’ll think they’re out of their mind, and while you’re right, you won’t miss the temper tantrums, loud screeches and huge messes, there are somethings you should appreciate before they’re gone.

Here’s a list of important mile markers that most parents look forward to but also have a downside.

Rolling Over
This is the first step toward your baby becoming mobile. Before this, they just lay where ever you put them. You don’t have to worry about them falling off the bed or couch and you know that baby is right where you left her. As soon as she rolls over, that’s all over. Watching the baby becomes for more active.

Crawling
Oh, so you can’t wait for your little guy to start crawling? I hope you did a good job baby proofing by this point because now they can get to that light socket with ease. They can make their way to the dog food

Walking
Walking is just crawling problems times ten. Not only can they move around, now they can reach things higher, fall down farther and bump into more corners. More dangers and bigger messes are a consequence of this wonderful new skill.

Talking
You just can’t wait for your kid to start talking? Think it will be nice when they can finally tell you what they want or what’s wrong? Yes, it is nice to finally be able to verbally communicate with your child. The problem is, once they start talking, they don’t stop. The first time you hear “Daddy” is amazing. The millionth time will cause your eye to nervously twitch.

Potty Training
This one is probably the most difficult to appreciate. While diapers aren’t fun to deal with and a child that can use the toilet is preferred, the journey from diapers to bathroom competence can be a challenge. Kids that have just graduated to big kids underwear don’t have the best timing. They don’t want to use the toilet before you leave the house (unless you’re running late), a child prefers to need a bathroom break about 5 minutes into your journey. They also have a sense for areas where there is nowhere to stop for miles.

Enjoy your kids where they are now because every milestone brings new and more difficult challenges.

If you have toddlers and haven’t heard of Preschool Prep Company, I would recommend you take a look. They make DVDs and apps that are aimed at helping teach children basics like shapes, colors, letters and numbers. They’ve worked very well for us.

Their method uses repetition and animation. For example, an octagon will be on screen as an animated character jumping rope and swinging on monkey bars while the whole time repeating “Octagon. Octagon. Octagon. Octagon.” Then the octagon will become just the shape and again “Octagon. Octagon. Octagon.”

The child learns to recognize the shapes along with their names. Strangely, for the adult in the room, the words start to lose all meaning and just become strange sounds.

“Octagon. Octagon. Octagon. That sounds funny. I wonder who first said that. Oc-ta-gon. Octagon.” I can only imagine the effect would be enhanced with a little extra inebriation.

Our kids learned most of their shapes, colors, numbers, letters and a lot of sight words, thanks to Preschool Prep. Pick these up if you have a kid about 1 – 3 years old in your life.

As we should all be aware now, Target has dropped gender labels from their toys, bedding and other products. No longer are there girl toys or boy sheets. While many are applauding this decision, it seems others are left scared and confused.

One Twitter user asks, “So how am I going to be able to tell what is for boys or girls? Why are we going to confuse kids at a young age?”

Very good question, indeed. That is why we here at the DadBros are putting together a helpful little guide when it comes to shopping for your little ones at Target.

1. Look at the packaging. 

There a lot of hints and tells on toy packaging whether or not the target audience for that product are boys or girls. Boy packaging tends to have blacks, blues and greens while girl packaging tends to have pinks, purples and reds. You might also notice a picture of a child playing with the item on the box. Is that child a boy or a girl? Odds are good that the gender on the box is the demographic the toy company is aiming at.

2. Ask yourself if it is a toy you would have played with as a child or would it have been for the other gender.

Do you remember being a child once? You do! That’s great. Just ask yourself, “Would me as a boy (or girl) have played with this?” Your answer will be a very good indication as to whether or not the item in question is appropriate for the child you intend to receive it.

3. Talk to your kids.

This is the best thing you can do. Find out what your kids actually like and buy them those things. If you have a girl that is into Ninja Turtles, she’ll probably like Ninja Turtles toys. If you have a boy that wants an Easy-Bake Oven, don’t buy it, because those things are way over priced and you can just teach your boy to make awesome brownies using real ingredients and kitchen tools that will leave everyone far more satisfied.

Dear Hollywood,

Thank you for all of the wonderful entertainment you’ve provided over the years. Sure, not everything you’ve put out has been amazing, but you actually have done some really great stuff that we and our kids enjoy. For that, we thank you. However, may we, the parents, issue one small request? Please just make a DVD that, when inserted into a player, will just play the movie?

You’re really wasting time and effort putting in the coming attractions. Believe us, we skip them EVERY time, on principal. Watching trailers in a movie theater is fun because we get to see what’s coming out soon and it almost feels like we’re getting bonus entertainment before the main attraction starts. Once a movie is on DVD, we’ve already heard of and have likely seen the movies you’re telling us to check out. We only want the movie we paid for. Also, think of the future. Five years from now, we don’t want to be shown trailers for films that have come, gone and are collecting dust. Just play the movie.

Second, stop with the commercials. We know we live in a world of advertising. Even if one of us wants to watch a Super Bowl commercial on YouTube, they have to sit through a commercial first. Seriously, a commercial before a commercial, yet we kind of accept that because television, radio, YouTube and the like is entertainment that can be considered free. Your movies aren’t free. We’ve paid retail price for your movie, the least you could do is not stick in soft drink ads, fast food pitches or even anti-something-or-other PSAs. Just play the movie.

Also, enough with the fancy menus. Sure, they can be fun the first time, but after we’ve seen it once, we never want to see it again. Never have we said to a friend, “You have to see this on DVD, the menu alone is worth the price.” Sitting through a 90 second animated menu opening, playing Where’s Waldo with the play button, then sitting through another 90 second animation menu outro is entirely too much. Just play the movie.

As a matter of fact, you can strip everything else out that we don’t need. Trust me, my kids are creeped out by commentaries and leave the room when the behind the scenes footage starts up. Never do they request deleted scenes or alternate endings. Do you know what they want? They want to just play the movie.

You have to keep in mind that when parents often put on a DVD, we kind of need the movie right away. I can’t count how many times I’ve put a disc into the family vehicle’s DVD player, in the hopes of a few quiet moments on a road trip, only to have to pull over a few minutes later, lean my seat back and contort my body in an unnatural fashion so I can navigate to the desired entertainment. Please, just play the movie.

We know there is a market for everything we are telling you we don’t want. By all means, feel free to put a version of the DVD out for those people, but for our kids, for us, for our sanity, please put out a version that will just play the damn movie.

Sincerely,

Frustrated Parents Everywhere (especially the DadBros)

One of the more interesting things about becoming a parent is the new perspective you get on your own parents. Many times, you understand why your parents handled situations the way they did. Other times, you wonder why they made certain choices that could have been handled differently.

For example, I accept that my own Dad wasn’t the best of communicators, but I still don’t understand why he held back on so many of his views on life. I can remember on several occasions, my father would start to say something only to end it with, “Eh, some things you have to learn on your own.” As a kid, I never really questioned that. As an adult parent looking back, I’m somewhat annoyed.

It wasn’t as if we never talked, he just didn’t give much advice. He probably didn’t think that I would actually listen to his opinions on these “hard-way” life lessons. The problem is, I did listen. I actually did take into consideration what my parents told me. Because I listened, it only makes holding back on these important and painful nuggets of information all the more frustrating.

It is my belief that one of our jobs as parents is to pass along any information that might help our kids avoid some of the pitfalls and traps that we’ve discovered along the way. Holding back on that is almost like our ancient ancestors not telling their offspring which berries to avoid. Passing knowledge down is important for our growth as human beings.

My approach is quite the opposite of my Dad’s. Even if I know my kids won’t listen to what I have to say, I will still tell them. I would much rather my kids come to me later and say “Dad, you were right, I should have listened” than “Gee, Dad, why didn’t you warn me?”

This past weekend, professional wrestling legend, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper passed away. Piper is someone I really enjoyed when I was younger and appreciated more as I got older. He was a legitimate tough guy, possessing a Golden Gloves boxing background and a Judo black belt under “Judo”Gene LeBell. Starting his professional wrestling career at the age of 15, he was a small man having to claw his way to the top of a world ruled by big men. To do what he did took not only physical strength but mental toughness as well.

I don’t want to go over the his whole life and career, but I’d encourage you to take a look. There is one thing I’d like to address with “Rowdy” Roddy that is an example of something I’d like to see in my own children.

There is a photo that was to hype a match between Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper that I’d like to break it into pieces first to show why I think it’s powerful.

First, let’s take a look at just the physical presence of both individuals:

Just look at the size difference between these two men. In Piper, you have a man that is more athletic than your average man, but nothing extraordinary. On the right, you have Hulk Hogan’s 300 plus pound body that, one would assume, would almost definitely outmuscle Hot Rod with little to no problem. So, why would you want to tune in to see these guys lock up?

All we have to do is look at the faces, more specifically, the eyes of both men. Rowdy Roddy Piper, while physically the smaller man has as much if not more intensity emanating from his facial expression than Hogan. The man is selling this match based on the attitude that he’s the bigger man inside.

Put the two pieces together and you have a fiery Roddy Piper sticking his finger in the chest of a giant with the belief that he not only can but will beat the behemoth. Yes, I know wrestling isn’t real, but they’re selling an illusion and the people have to buy it.

How you look doesn’t matter nearly as much as how you carry yourself

This is something I’d like my kids to learn, believe and internalize what Piper is showing. Of course, I’d prefer they do that while being one of the “Good Guys”.