Dear Hollywood,

Thank you for all of the wonderful entertainment you’ve provided over the years. Sure, not everything you’ve put out has been amazing, but you actually have done some really great stuff that we and our kids enjoy. For that, we thank you. However, may we, the parents, issue one small request? Please just make a DVD that, when inserted into a player, will just play the movie?

You’re really wasting time and effort putting in the coming attractions. Believe us, we skip them EVERY time, on principal. Watching trailers in a movie theater is fun because we get to see what’s coming out soon and it almost feels like we’re getting bonus entertainment before the main attraction starts. Once a movie is on DVD, we’ve already heard of and have likely seen the movies you’re telling us to check out. We only want the movie we paid for. Also, think of the future. Five years from now, we don’t want to be shown trailers for films that have come, gone and are collecting dust. Just play the movie.

Second, stop with the commercials. We know we live in a world of advertising. Even if one of us wants to watch a Super Bowl commercial on YouTube, they have to sit through a commercial first. Seriously, a commercial before a commercial, yet we kind of accept that because television, radio, YouTube and the like is entertainment that can be considered free. Your movies aren’t free. We’ve paid retail price for your movie, the least you could do is not stick in soft drink ads, fast food pitches or even anti-something-or-other PSAs. Just play the movie.

Also, enough with the fancy menus. Sure, they can be fun the first time, but after we’ve seen it once, we never want to see it again. Never have we said to a friend, “You have to see this on DVD, the menu alone is worth the price.” Sitting through a 90 second animated menu opening, playing Where’s Waldo with the play button, then sitting through another 90 second animation menu outro is entirely too much. Just play the movie.

As a matter of fact, you can strip everything else out that we don’t need. Trust me, my kids are creeped out by commentaries and leave the room when the behind the scenes footage starts up. Never do they request deleted scenes or alternate endings. Do you know what they want? They want to just play the movie.

You have to keep in mind that when parents often put on a DVD, we kind of need the movie right away. I can’t count how many times I’ve put a disc into the family vehicle’s DVD player, in the hopes of a few quiet moments on a road trip, only to have to pull over a few minutes later, lean my seat back and contort my body in an unnatural fashion so I can navigate to the desired entertainment. Please, just play the movie.

We know there is a market for everything we are telling you we don’t want. By all means, feel free to put a version of the DVD out for those people, but for our kids, for us, for our sanity, please put out a version that will just play the damn movie.

Sincerely,

Frustrated Parents Everywhere (especially the DadBros)